Funny Quotes

A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age. -Robert Frost 

The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. - Robert Bloch 

They misunderestimated me -  George Bushism

Behind Every Successful man is a surprised woman – Mayon Pearson

Women are never disarmed by compliments, men are, that’s the difference between the sexes  - Oscar wilde

Why can’t women tell jokes? Because we marry them! – Kathy Lette

A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to rouse the interest, but long enough to cover the essentials. Ronald Knox

A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain. Mark Twain

A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he's finished. Zsa Zsa Gabor

All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.  Mark Twain

Always forgive your enemies. Nothing annoys them so much. Oscar Wilde

Ask me no questions, and I'll tell you no lies.  Oliver Goldsmith

By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll be happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. Socrates

If you want to make God laugh, tell him your future plans. Woody Allen

It's better to be looked over than overlooked. Mae West

It's not the men in my life that count, it's the life in my men. Mae West

Experience is the name every one gives to their mistakes. Oscar Wilde

Getting caught is the mother of invention. Robert Byrne

This isn't right. This isn't even wrong. Wolfgang Pauli

 
"Missing someone gets easier everyday because even though you are one day further from the last time you saw them, you are one day closer to the next time you will."



"Distance is not for the fearful, it is for the bold. It's for those who are willing to spend a lot of time alone in exchange for a little time with the one they love. It's for those knowing a good thing when they see it, even if they don't see it nearly enough..."



"If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together. There is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we're apart... I'll always be with you."



"The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart." - Helen Keller


"Distance means so little when someone means so much." 


"Guys are like stars... There are a million of them... but only ONE can make your dreams come true

"You live too far away.
Your voice rings like a bell anyway.
Don't give up your independence, unless it feels so right.
Nothing good comes easily, sometimes you've got to fight."
"Amber" by 311

The longest period of time is waiting for something or someone you truly want."



"Nothing in this world worth having comes easy."

"The thought of being with you tomorrow gives me the strength to go on today."



"Love finds a way."



Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you
- Richard Marx "Right Here Waiting"



"I carry your heart with me (I carry it in my heart)" - E.E. Cummings



"While I sit
And stare at the moon
While I sit
Just thinking of you
As I stare
At the beautiful stars
As I stare
Wondering just how you are
While I wonder
As I stare and I sit
I know I'll see
Your face again"

- Dizzy

"I don't miss you and you alone - I miss you and me together."

Me and You Are Friends... You fight, I fight... You hurt, I hurt... You cry, I cry... You jump off a bridge... I'm gonna miss your dumb ass!

Be smart, but never show it.
Louis B. Mayer  

As our case is new, we must think and act anew.
Abraham Lincoln

Avoid popularity if you would have peace.
Abraham Lincoln

 

Small is the number of people who see with their eyes and think with their minds.
Albert Einstein

 

Design is not just what it looks like and feels like. Design is how it works.
Steve Jobs  

Solitude is painful when one is young, but delightful when one is more mature.
Albert Einstein  

 

Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.
Albert Einstein

Books serve to show a man that those original thoughts of his aren't very new at all.
Abraham Lincoln   

As far as I'm concerned, I prefer silent vice to ostentatious virtue.
Albert Einstein  

Design is a funny word. Some people think design means how it looks. But of course, if you dig deeper, it's really how it works.
Steve Jobs

Ballots are the rightful and peaceful successors to bullets.
Abraham Lincoln

Be sure you put your feet in the right place, then stand firm.
Abraham Lincoln

 

 In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years.
Abraham Lincoln

It has been my experience that folks who have no vices have very few virtues.
Abraham Lincoln

It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt.
Abraham Lincoln

Knavery and flattery are blood relations.
Abraham Lincoln